I'm not a hot mess... More like a hot slob...

IN CELEBRATION OF NATIONAL MASTURBATION MONTH:

BRING ON ANONS.

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

Which do I prefer? dryer. Which have I had sex on? all three.

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:

Sub-par; I was in the middle of something -__-

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

Any of the Avengers.

4: Something that never fails to make you horny:

Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt.

5: Where is one place you would never have sex:

A Dairy farm.

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when

-- I yelled out "I am not a twinkie!" at the end of anal. You figure out why.

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:

A vibrating pull toy.

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone:

I'm sorry... I don't understand...

9: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:

The choke-out game.

10: What is the fastest way to make you horny:

Whisper dirty things in my ear.

11: Top or bottom?

Bottom, from behind.

12: We were about to ______ but then ______

(have sex), (we got pulled over by CHP)

13: Would you ever take a sexual enhancement drug?

Nah.

14: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

Not necessary, but awesome.

15: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

Panty collection (Underwear I've swiped from girls I've been with)

16: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

Portly Polly.

17: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

I like knowing I'm in control and I like feeling a guy get hard in my mouth.

18: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

The failed choke-out game..

19: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

Yes. It was okay.

20: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

My male partner and I have been together for 7 years, we stopped using them awhile ago.

21: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

Mrs. Rossi

22: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

Cucumber.

23: How big is too big (peniswise):

I don't know... With enough lube, anything fits. But I've never had anything over 7.5 inches, so....

24: One sexual thing you would never do:

Ass to mouth.

25: Biggest turn on:

Being picked up during sex.

26: Three spots that drive you insane:

That crease where my thighs come to my vagina, the back of my neck, and I'm not telling my third (Girl's gotta have some secrets!)

27: Worst possible time to get horny:

When I'm stressed.

28: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:

Yes, at least a little. then I know I'm doing it right!

29: Worst sexual idea you ever had:

The choke-out game...

30: How much fapping is too much fapping:

More than twice in a day.

31: Best sexual complement you ever got:

"I didn't know that was possible!"

32: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:

On me? I'm trimmed. On a guy? I prefer them to be trimmed at least a little bit.

33: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:

Sometimes.

34: Fill in the blanks: "If they ____________, we are fuckin"

(The door is locked and the TV is really loud...)

35: What your favorite part of your body:

My eyes.

36: Favorite foreplay activities:

massage-play, chasing around the house, subtle drawn out teasing, sending dirty pictures to a guy.

37: Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to]

Varies.

38: What do you wear to bed?

Underwear and a tank top.

39: When was the first time you masturbated:

when I was 16.

40: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

Yup. <---camgirl here.

41: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

February.

42: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

Yup.

43: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

Yes.

44: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

Ipad (to watch youporn, duh...)

45: Have/would you ever masturbate at work?

Yes....

46: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

If I could get away with it, yes.

47: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

One song? I have a whole playlist.

48: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

Uhh...

49: Most attractive celebrity?

Umm...

50: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

Lesbian porn. Sometimes, it's really hot.

51: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now

About 3 hours old.

52: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

No.

53: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

Care Bears.

54: Do you have stretch marks?'

A couple of little ones.

55: How do you feel about your stretch marks?

Meh. Whatev.

56: Has anyone ever had a problem with your stretch marks?

Nope.

57: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

Yes; see question 17

58: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

I'm picky. No lame tattoos.

59: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

Annoyed.

60: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

Popsicles.

61: Is there anything you do on tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

Nope.

62: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

I own too many to list.

63: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

Yes.

64: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

Possibly, depending on what he wanted fixed.

65: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

Pornstar.

66: Do you watch porn?

Yes

67: How small is too small?

Anything under 5 inches.

68: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

Yes, the kinky attitude I get when in bed with a girl.

69: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

My partner. Nah, it was in the heat of the moment.

70: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

No. I'd be terrified he would send rude texts to my contacts!

71: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?

Not under jeans.

72: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?

Yes.

73: If you could give yourself head, would you?

No

74: Booty or Boobs?

Both.

75: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

Yes.

76: Have you ever been on an official date?

Yes.

77: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

Yes; it's none of your business.

78: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

Trudy.

79: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

No. and No.

80: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

I yelled at them and stormed out of the house. Past tense. It happened.

81: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

@__@

LEGO!!!!